I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
