i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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