i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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