I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
