as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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