Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
