he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I will be naked everywhere
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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