One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
