I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize