i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
