My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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