we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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