Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
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Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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