He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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