when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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