Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
