Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
