even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
