doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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