That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
