you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
