If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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