Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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