We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
