At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
