This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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