He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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