white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
