He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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