If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We just shotgunned beers for America
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
