Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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