Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
