I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
