so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
