I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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