then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
