And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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