True but thats because hes a fetus.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
