Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
