dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
