Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I haven't been this sober since birth.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize