So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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