call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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