Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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