Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
