the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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