you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I need a beard to bite.
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