I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My feet surprised me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize