can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
