It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
