Only a mothe r could love this liver
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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