Sry I called you an 8
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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