What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
