If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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