I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
