You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
