Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
