Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
handjob tips. give me some.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
